My dear,

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

She’s having all these children all willy-nilly like it’s happy affair. She must be found!

She must be found and told the same things we’re all told and shown over and over; that being a mother sucks, that your mostly ungrateful children ask everything of you and give nothing back, that the bills pill up, that sex with the husband becomes non-existant, that he’ll look at other women, and that if he’s a bastard like most are, he’ll do more than just look.

This woman’s probably only been told the good stuff, like the love and most meaningful thing you’ll ever do in your life stuff.. she’s gotta be stopped. We’ve got to tell her about the horrors! The horrors! She’s too happy having kids!

Falsely yours,
Sam Levenson