My dear, Cancel my subscription, I’m over your issues. That issue where I put my happiness and well-being last, read it. That issue where I take you back because I thought you’d change for the better, read it. That issue where I overlooked the hundreds of bad days I had with you for that one good day, read it. Yes I’m talking to you dear lover. Yes, I’m talking to you supposed friend. Yes, I’m talking to you...

My dear, Wow, being ‘grown-up’ is so much more, and yet so much less, than I thought it would be. I never realized just how many troubles and pains adults go through. Yet, I didn’t the see ecstasy of the joys coming by a long shot. I didn’t realize just how hard older people have to work. I also didn’t realize just how hard they could party too. Wow… When I was a kid, I wanted to be older… This shit...

My dear, We all want to grow up in some sense. We all want all the belittling to stop. And we all want people to look up to us, not down. But there’s no shortcut. In order for us to be adults at last, we’ve got to be kids at first. And we all want to know more. None of us likes being the dumbest person in the room. None of us likes people making fun of us because we don’t know as much as them. But there’s no...

My dear, Almost all the time, you tell yourself you’re loving somebody when you’re just using them. Ask yourself, are you with them because you love them, or because you love their looks, and love the way their looks reflect upon you. Ask yourself, are you with them because you love them, or because you love their money, and love not working hard to get exquisite and luxurious things? Ask yourself, do you truly love them...

My dear, The trick to comedy is being able to unmercifully make fun of yourself without having thoughts of suicide. And the trick to life is to realize that it’s exactly like comedy. It’s all about failing and falling down over and over again, laughing at yourself, and realizing that it’s not the end of the world. … And doing it all over again ad infinitum. Falsely yours, Joe...

My dear, I ask of you one thing, stop saying, “I’ll try.” Don’t try. Trying is failing with grace. Just do your best. Put your heart into it. And not just a bit, all of it. If you give anything less it doesn’t count. You’ve failed. And you have no one to blame but yourself. And here’s the secret, if you do put your whole heart into it, you’ve won, no matter what the final results are. Falsely...

My dear, I’m going to tell you something that’s going to save you hundreds, if not thousand, of dollars. Dollars you’d spend on books that promise secret methods that magically bring you cash, dollars you’d spend on programs that promise you get rich quick methods (those are schemes by the way), and dollars you’d otherwise spend on snake-oil peddling men with too much oil in their hair and too big smiles on...

My dear, Everything has consequences, and if you look far down enough you’ll realize that the consequences for most things out-weight the benefits. But screw consequences. I say if you want it badly enough, then you’ve just got to close your eyes to it all and move forward. Sometimes the only way to act is not to think all the consequences through. If we thought everything all the way through we’d come up for air and...

My dear, If you’re not failing, you’re not working. If you’re not constantly picking yourself up and finding something that you did wrong then you’re not working. If you’re not eating your own words from time to time then you’re not working. If you’re not stumbling, or tripping, then you’re not moving forward. The roads we all walk are bumpy and littered with rocks and obstacles. If...

My dear, When you’re young you don’t worry about it. Nothing can hold you back. You’re so impeccably strong and energetic that it doesn’t even cross your mind – the weight of your possessions. You buy shoes, clothes, cars, pets, and houses. You don’t notice the weight of it all building it. Until… Until you find yourself making travel decisions on whether or not you can find a babysitter for your...