My dear,

Santa has it wrong. The worst gift on Christmas isn’t coal.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

… Maybe that’s what we need to do.

Tell kids that they’ll instead of coal if they’re bad, Santa Claus with deliver to them on Christmas morning some good old fruitcake. Bet you they straighten right up.

Falsely yours,
John William “Johnny” Carson