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“Nothing So Needs Reforming As Other People’s Habits.”

My dear, People that don’t use coasters, people who drink directly out of the container, noisy eaters, people who don’t wash their hands after taking care of business, people who pick their noses in public, double dippers, people who use double negatives.. people who don’t talk before thinking. Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. Falsely yours, Samuel Langhorne...

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“Forgiveness Is The Fragrance That The Violet Sheds On The Heel That Has Crushed It.”

My dear, Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. And if such as flower can not only forgive that which has destroyed, but impart a sweet smell onto it, how can we as humans do any less than forgive minor transgressions perceived by us at the hands of our fellow man? Falsely yours, Samuel Langhorne...

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“The Two Most Important Days In Your Life Are The Day You Were Born And The Day When You Find Out Why.”

My dear, The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day when you find out why. The day you plant your feet into this world, and the day you find out why you should use them to walk, and maybe – walk far. These are two of the four milestones of your life, they are the most important of the four because the others can’t happen without them, and every day in between is just about learning and...

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“Clothes Make The Man. Naked People Have Little Or No Influence On Society.”

My dear, If you want to be well liked and admired don’t listen to what the masses say. Ideas, thoughts, and deeds don’t make the man. Rubbish! Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. … I did here of a strange tale about an emperor with no clothes though. Falsely yours, Samuel Langhorne Clemens ...

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“Sometimes I Wonder Whether The World Is Being Run By Smart People Who Are Putting Us On, Or By Imbeciles Who Really Mean It.”

My dear, Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it. How else would you explain how we got in this predicament? Either a lot of smart people are out there having the time of their lives causing havoc and seeing what we do about it, or there are a lot of serious idiots doing things that they think are smart, and yet in the end, still coming up idiots. Both...

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“The Human Race Has One Really Effective Weapon, And That Is Laughter.”

My dear, The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Because the real enemies we face are pain and sorrow, not each other. That man on the other side of the planet, he’s not your real enemy. Your true enemy is the sorrow that comes from knowing the world cannot get along. That fellow employee who got the raise instead of you, they’re not your true enemy. Your real enemy is the pain that builds up...

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“The Only Way To Keep Your Health Is To Eat What You Don’t Want, Drink What You Don’t Like, And Do What You’d Rather Not.”

My dear, The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. The only way to keep your happiness is to eat everything you want first and last, drink what you love all day even if it be alcohol, and do everything you like and nothing you don’t. Ahhh, but no man is infinite in health or happiness. Falsely yours, Samuel Langhorne Clemens ...

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“They Didn’t Know It Was Impossible, So They Did It.”

My dear, The Wright Brothers flew. But humans can’t fly. That’s impossible. But they didn’t know at the time. NASA took man to space to walk on the moon. But man can’t walk on the moon. That’s impossible. But they didn’t know at the time. The army has planes that allow people to fly faster than the speed of sound. But people can’t fly faster that sound. That’s impossible. But they...

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“I Never Let Schooling Interfere With My Education.”

My dear, Who says one can only learn in schools and classrooms?! I’ve travelled and educated myself on how to approach people and on how to see the same world anew. I’ve loved and educated myself on how to care for another fully, withholding no part of myself for fear of shame. I’ve toiled and educated myself on the hardships of life; And relaxed, educating myself on the simple pleasures. I never let schooling interfere...

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“I Have Known A Great Many Troubles, But Most Of Them Never Happened.”

My dear, I’ve lost all my fortunes and lived on the streets. I’ve quit school and found that in the end, when it was too late, it was the answer all along. I’ve broken half the bones in my body travelling overseas and aimlessly wandered. I’ve quit stable jobs in pursuit of greatness only to fail. And I’ve been rejected by women so badly that I never recovered. I have known a great many troubles, but most of...

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